From Eveningsnews.com
Why Single Parents Should Consider a Family-Oriented Wedding When They Remarry
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Dec 16, 2007, 19:28
(ARA) - When Tabitha Irwin began dating Michael Leach, she would never have predicted that this casual friend would turn out to be the man of her dreams. But once she realized that the 30-year-old radio producer had a heart big enough to embrace her and her four-year-old son Calym, she was smitten. By the following year, the couple announced their engagement.
One thing muted the joy of her pending nuptials -- the memory of her own mother’s remarriage when Tabitha was a typical, insecure adolescent. “I wasn’t included in the wedding and, from then on, I never really felt like part of the family,” she recalls. “That’s why Michael and I wanted to do something special during the wedding to communicate to my son that he was going to be an integral part of our lives.”
The marketing manager was grappling with a problem experienced by most of the tens of thousands of single parents who walk down the aisle each year: What can be done to ease the concerns of young children who feel, on a conscious or unconscious level, that their secure place in the family is threatened by the marriage/remarriage of a parent?
After much research, Tabitha found a simple and emotionally satisfying answer to her dilemma in the form of a family-oriented wedding service that gives children a meaningful role in the wedding celebration.
This five-minute ceremony -- known as the Family Medallion service -- can easily be integrated into any religious or civil wedding ceremony. It differs from the traditional wedding in only one respect: After the newlyweds exchange rings, their children join them for a special service focusing on the family nature of a marriage.
Each child is given a gold or silver medallion with three interlocking circles, a symbol that represents family love in much the same way the wedding ring signifies conjugal love.
Although the family service seemed to be an ideal way to recognize Calym during the wedding, Tabitha and Michael let the kindergartener cast the deciding vote.
First, they explained the meaning of the family ceremony in a way that a young child could understand. Then they allowed Calym to select the specific Family Medallion from www.FamilyMedallion.com that he wanted to receive. “It made him feel important to be involved in the decision-making process,” Tabitha adds. “He became more excited about the wedding with each passing day.”
The Leaches say they will never forget the moment during their wedding at a local park when Michel presented the Family Medallion to Calym.
While the minister led Michael in a recitation of the words of the ceremony -- a promise to love and care for the youngster and help him grow into a responsible adult -- he placed the family symbol around his stepson’s neck. Calym responded with a giant hug.
“It was an incredible bonding experience,” Michael recalls. “In that instant, Tabitha, Calym and I came together as a family.” Tabitha was moved to tears watching her new husband make a formal commitment to her son.
As for young Calym, he was just plain thrilled. “I really liked having a ceremony just for me,” he explains. “It meant that Mike loved me and was going to be my dad.
For the wedding guests, this unique family service was the pinnacle of the marriage celebration. “Many later told me how moving it was to see us assure Calym, in such a loving and public way, that he would always be part of our family,” says Tabitha.
The family wedding concept is an idea whose time has come. With a high divorce rate -- nearly two in five marriages fail, according to the Heritage Foundation -- more and more single parents with young children are remarrying. Additionally, the U.S. is experiencing a wave of first-time marriages among young single parents who had a child during the course of a common-law union or other relationship outside of marriage.
Yet, despite the fact that a growing legion of single parents are bringing one or more children into their marriages, virtually no religious or civil wedding ceremony acknowledges the existence of these youngsters. This void frustrated Dr. Roger Coleman, ministers and president of Clergy Services, Inc., an organization in Kansas City, Missouri, devoted to developing family-oriented services for weddings and other important life events.
"The so-called traditional wedding ceremony does not serve the needs of couples with children, whether their own or children from previous relationships," Coleman explains. "That's because traditional weddings focus exclusively on the union of a man and a woman. The important role of existing children and the family nature of marriage are simply ignored."
Today, more than 25,000 couples annually use the Family Medallion ceremony to help strengthen the bond between parents, stepparents and children.
Tabitha, Michael and Calym are among its biggest fans. Today, more than a year after their family wedding, the Irwin-Leach blended family is thriving. Young Calym is ecstatic to have a baby brother, who was born this summer. “He doesn’t feel rejected like I did when my mother and stepdad had a baby,” Tabitha says. “That’s because from the moment Michael and I decided to marry, we included Calym every step of the way.”
For more information about family weddings, visit www.familymedallion.com.
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