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Last Updated: Jul 2nd, 2008 - 21:15:22 |
(ARA) - It’s that time of year again . . . time to gather school supplies, shop the back-to-school sales, and help your kids get used to the idea of new teachers, new classrooms and of course, getting back into the school year routine. It’s a time when your kids are likely excited about the prospects of a new year, but it’s also a time when they may be feeling a lot of anxiety.
How do you know if your child is stressed about going back to school? As a parent, you recognize that something is different about your child. Often, when faced with back-to-school stress (or other stress factors) children can become argumentative with their parents, siblings and peers. Fortunately, there’s a lot a parent can do to prevent negative behavior and get their child on track for a successful school year.
According to Tom Tate, vice president of research, evaluation and training at Starr Commonwealth, a nonprofit organization that has been helping troubled kids for more than 90 years, the best thing a parent can do is recognize their child is reacting to some stress or anxiety. Instead of responding angrily or impatiently with your child when his or her emotions are flooded, it may be more prudent to first respond to your child’s feelings. “The latest brain research is indicating that when people are angry or under a good deal of stress, the cognitive part of the brain is not immediately ready to respond to a rational discussion about the child’s behavior,” says Tate. “Letting your child talk about his or her flooded emotions is a better first step for both you and your child. Allowing children the opportunity to ‘drain off’ their feelings, while letting them know you understand how they are feeling is a critical first step to problem solving with your child.”
So what does it mean to allow your child to “drain off”?
“It means letting your child tell you what they are feeling and why they are upset,” says Tate. “That means using attentive listening skills to really hear what your child is telling you. At the same time, it will also allow you to drain off your own frustration with the situation, so you don’t lose your cool and respond in kind.”
The next thing parents need to keep in mind is that, simply put, kids and adults don’t think alike. Why? Because they can’t. “A young person’s brain does not become fully developed until their late 20s. That means they cannot reason and process information the way adults do,” says Tate.
Martha Dobbins is the director of training initiatives for Starr Commonwealth’s No Disposable Kids training program, which helps educators, community organizations and parents utilize practical, prevention-oriented tools for creating safe and productive environments for children. She says NDK training teaches people to recognize the different psychological worlds of children and adults. “The ways children and adults think, perceive, feel and behave are very different,” says Dobbins. “As adults we think logically, can perceive situations from many dimensions, accept and control our feelings and take responsibility for our behavior. Our kids’ perception skills are more concrete, their thinking illogical and their emotions during stress are flooded and explosive.”
A parent can help their child drain off their feelings during an angry outburst by first allowing the child to express their anger. “Listen carefully to what they are saying and make sure they know they are being listened to by utilizing both verbal and nonverbal skills,” says Tate. “Once they have calmed down, help them find the central focus of what is really upsetting them. They may say they’re mad about having to take out the trash, but they may really be nervous about their upcoming first day of high school.”
Once you get to the heart of what’s bothering your child, you can help make them more aware of how their angry actions served as a self-defeating mechanism. “Help them see that acting out contributed to their worry and anxiety about school,” says Dobbins. “You can guide them to an understanding that their anger made their situation worse.”
When your child recognizes his or her role in a situation, offer up alternatives to the negative behavior they displayed earlier. “You can even encourage them to come up with new solutions,” adds Tate. “That way, they have an investment in the situation as well as accountability. Your child will understand how he or she needs to behave to have their needs met and will be better prepared for conflict with peers and adults.”
These practical skills to help de-escalate your child in any time of stress, including the back-to-school season, will strengthen your child’s ability to communicate effectively his or her emotions and feelings and, ultimately, help them become more confident about any school-related anxieties.
Starr Commonwealth was founded in 1913 and has been recognized as a top national and international nonprofit children’s organization. After more than 90 years of helping troubled kids find their place in the world, the No Disposable Kids training initiative was formed to help schools identify their strengths, analyze their weaknesses and utilize practical, prevention-oriented tools for creating safe and productive school environments.
For more information about Starr Commonwealth and No Disposable Kids, visit their Web site at www.starr.org or call (800) 837-5591. Courtesy of ARA Content
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